Where to Begin

Several friends have become motivated or inspired to lessen their amount of stuff.  These people all ask the same question.  Where do I begin?  I have so much stuff.  I don't even know where to start.  I have three recommendations about where to begin.  And one recommendation about where not to begin.  Begin somewhere that will keep you motivated.

1.  You could begin in the place that drives you the most crazy.  Do you have a closet full of clothes?  So many, that it is hard to squeeze them in?  So many that you can't look between them to see what you are looking at?  So many that when you pull something off the hanger, other things come also?  Or maybe a kitchen/ junk drawer.  You toss everything in there that you don't know where else to put it.  When you open it to retrieve something, do you have to dig around to look for it?  Then do you have to mash everything back down to get the drawer to close?  Begin there.  Then every time you get something out of that area, and see that your life has been made simpler, it will motivate you to continue uncluttering.

2. You could begin in an area that would be easy to accomplish.  Do you have 50 t-shirts and only have 10 that fit?  Do you have 50 mugs, but don't drink coffee?  I had over 30 spiral notebooks.  I don't know why.  When you have an over abundance or excess of something, it doesn't feel as sacrificial to donate it. You know you have a back up so to speak.  Starting in an easy area like this will give you that satisfied feeling that will motivate you to continue uncluttering.

3.  You could begin in the first area that you see when you walk into your home.  Is it the mudroom?  The kitchen?  The family room?  If #1 and #2 don't appeal to you, begin here.  Every time you walk into your home you will notice the change.  It will motivate you to continue uncluttering. 

Really you just need to start somewhere.  Anywhere.  After you have been doing it for about a month, you should see and feel a change.  Things will be easier to tidy up.  Things won't be as hard to find.  Once you start to see and feel some of the benefits, you will be motivated to continue.  Also once you see that you don't actually miss anything you got rid of, it will be easier to part with more and more  things.

Let me tell you where not to start.  Strangely when people start the process, they go right to the thing that will be hardest to purge.  They come to me and say, "I love my deceased grandma's pitcher.  I don't think I could get rid of it."  Uh, I don't think you should get rid of it.  Start with the easy stuff, t-shirts, notebooks, mugs.  There are probably hundreds if not thousands of things in your home that I would get rid of first.  We will get to the "hard" stuff later, much later.  I love my husband's grandmother's pitcher.  It reminds me of her.  And it actually fits into my style.  I won't be purging it.  If you start with the hard stuff, you will never really get going.

Find motivation.  Then get started and the motivation will continue to come.  As you reap benefits of your work, you will see how much simpler and more peaceful your home can be.  Then we will talk about that pitcher.

Covering My Eyes

I am covering my eyes for the next ten days.  Everywhere I turn I see black Friday advertisements.  I see them on Facebook, message boards, email, my mailbox, everywhere.  They show pictures of joyful and exuberant children playing with toys at ridiculously low prices. 

One month ago I sat down with a pencil and paper to write out my children's Christmas lists.  I intentionally thought about their interests, their stages in development, their favorite ways to entertain themselves.  Based on these observations, I wrote out a careful list of what would be purchased.  If they don't enjoy the gift, it will get donated and I will have lost that money.  So it is a very big decision for our family.

Then I see the advertisement of the exuberant child.  He is playing with a top rated remote control car.  The car is usually 30 dollars.  On Black Friday it will be 10 dollars.  He looks so joyful.  And I could save 20 dollars.  Right?  Wrong.  I didn't have a remote control car on my list.  Would my boys enjoy it?  Probably for a week or two.  But it isn't the kind of thing that fits into the stage of development they are experiencing right now.  And neither of them has ever mentioned or displayed an interest in cars.  So will I save 20 dollars?  No.  I will spend 10 dollars.  And probably donate that item in February.

Some of you have told me that you are taking your exact lists out and will only purchase those items that may be discounted.  Why won't I do that?  I think black Friday represents something for me.  Have you ever seen a photo or video of the doors being unlocked and people rushing in, trampling the people in front of them?  What are those people so excited to get to?  Stuff.  Material things. 

I don't believe that is who God created us to be.  We were created to be in relationship with one another and Him.  Where will the stuff purchased that day be in 20 years?  It will probably be broken, used, forgotten, discarded.  I am looking to this black Friday to remind me once again that my treasure is in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal.

Living with Less vs. Minimalist

minimal- adj. 1. pertaining to or being a minimum.  2. least possible.  3. smallest; very small.

Minimalism is becoming a popular phrase in some circles.  I find many of the people who say they desire minimalism have no idea what this word means.  In a culture that is obsessed with keeping up with their neighbors, most homes now have multiple TVs, closets stuffed with clothes and shoes, garages and basements filled to capacity.  We are a country marked by excess.  The idea of getting rid of some of the clutter is appealing to a large audience.

I started my journey to "less" two years ago.  I thought I wanted to be a minimalist.  In reality, I didn't know the definition of the word minimalist.  I just knew I had way too much and I was starting to feel smothered.  While it is good to live with less, that doesn't make you a minimalist.  The definition of minimal is "least possible".  What is your least possible for clothes?  I suppose least POSSIBLE would be one outfit.  There are some who have gotten down to one outfit.  Google will lead you to dozens who have blogged about their experience of wearing the same outfit for a year.  That would be an example of an absolute minimalist.  What if you want to be a minimalist but not an absolute minimalist?  (This is what my husband is constantly reminding me as I donate all of our stuff.  I want to be a minimalist but not an absolute minimalist.)  Perhaps an outfit each day for a week would be appropriate?  Keeping in mind that most locations have a cold and hot season, maybe 14 shirts and 14 pants?  I am not prepared to be that restricted with my wardrobe.  Two years ago when I started my journey I owned around 200 pieces of clothing.  Not counting underclothing, I have gotten down to 86.  I am content with this number.  If I were to have a crisis, I could go a week without doing laundry and not be wearing dirty clothes.

I don't want the least amount possible  I want the least amount that is right for my family.  Getting rid of the excess saves time, money and improves relationships.  However having the least amount possible, one dish per family member, would cause me more work.  Then I would have to wash dishes after every meal.  Currently I run the dishwasher once/ day right before bed.  When I wake up my dishes are clean.  And while donating half of my kids toys means that I only have to help them clean up half as many, if I donate any more, they are going to be bored and telling me there is nothing to do.  It is good for them to have various ways to be creative and entertain themselves since we do not have any TV channels. 

I have friends who get a look of fear when I use the term minimalist.  I think they are the ones who understand the definition of this word.  I love my life of less.  But I do not want the least amount possible.  I am nearing the end of a two year journey.  I have donated about half of our stuff.  As I approach the end of this journey it is becoming increasingly difficult to decide whether to keep or donate certain items.  The tool I have decided I will use in helping make the determination: Will donating this item make my life simpler or more complicated?  Because the point of this whole journey has been to simplify life.

Guard Against Stuff

I have Attention Deficit Disorder (inattentive type).  Or so my son's Dr. speculates.  We took our son to the Dr. last year because he has experienced increasing difficulties with paying attention in class.  The diagnosis was a long process.  We filled out surveys, his teacher filled out surveys. The Dr. spent 2 hours talking to Luke, his dad, and I.  At the end the Dr. said he has ADD inattentive type, it is very genetic.  Then the Dr. looked at me and said, "He gets it from you, you know."  Now that is not an official diagnosis, but it makes sense.  I can't listen to the radio, I have to be able to see the person talking.  I can't stay focused on non-fiction.  And I studied very little in college because I couldn't stay in my seat.  I got Bs so I didn't care about studying.  The Dr. says that made me an underachiever.

Perhaps it is my ADD that makes me so easily distracted by stuff.  I go to get my son a snack and see that the pantry has become disorganized.  I completely forget about my son's snack and start pulling all of the food out to organize it.  I go to put the calculator back and see my FIL's birthday card that needs mailed.  I go to the mailbox.  Worse yet I go to put the calculator away and see the computer and hop on to look at Pinterest, facebook, Joshua Becker's new blog post, BabyCenter... you get the picture.
 
Last week my husband announced in front of our 8 year old that he was planning on buying me an iPad this year.  I yelled, "No!"  I didn't want the 8 year old to get excited before I shot the idea down.  My husband was trying to be generous.  But there is a reason I don't own a tablet or a smart phone.  I tried to explain it to my son.  This is what I told him. 

I want to spend time with you and Brother and Daddy.  If I had an iPad I wouldn't take you to the park as much.  I wouldn't read to you at the Dr.'s office.  I wouldn't talk to Brother while we sit in the car waiting for you to get out of tutoring. I don't want to be one of those people always looking down at their device.  Living with less has become a way to guard myself against distraction, just like a fence guards you from the street. I don't want my stuff distracting me from what really matters, you, Brother, Daddy and ultimately God.  I don't want that for myself.  I don't want that for our family.

Less Means More: Relationships (part 4)

Logically speaking, if you can see that less stuff means you have more time and more money, those result in improving relationships.  The time gained from owning less, allowed us to spend more time exploring with our children, drinking coffee with a friend, and reconnecting with an old family member.  That less rushed around feeling, allowed us to focus on what they were saying and enjoy those moments.  Less activities so we don't have to jump up in the middle of the conversation and run to pick someone up.  This new feeling of calm, simplicity and clarity are easy to get used to.

Living with less helps our relationships with our children.  As parents we love to see that look of excitement and joyful surprise on our child's face.  too often we look for it by buying our children stuff.  Quickly it takes more and more to get that reaction.  And instead we find that they are throwing a fit when they aren't receiving their now expected gifts.  Stopping the cycle and replacing stuff with our time brings more peace and joy to everyone.  Instead of bringing home a bag of stuff, bake some cookies, go to the park, watch a movie together.  (No don't turn the movie on and walk away.  Sit down and watch it with them.)  They may take a little while to get used to the new family dynamics, but in the end everyone will love it.  Less begging, less whining, no fits.  Just peaceful quality time together.

Living with less helps our relationship with our spouses.  My husband is much happier with money in the bank and less stuff on the shelves.  He loves living with less.  He can find things easily.  He loves that our home is clean, without clutter.  He loves that I am not spending money on things that we don't need and don't bring us lasting joy.

Perhaps you used to be a person who shopped beyond your means, and when the bill came, you relied on someone else to help you pay it.  Money can strain a relationship quickly.  With the new mindset of living with less, you haven't needed to borrow money anymore, improving your relationships with those who bail you out.

This was the last post in a four part series.  Hopefully you have seen the benefits of living with less.  Less stuff and less empty activity leaves us more time, more money and fuller relationships.  I am not asking you to get rid of your stuff because I want less for you.  I want more for you.  And less really does mean more.

Living with Less, More Money (part 3)

Less stuff equals more time is harder to see than less stuff equals more money.  This should be somewhat obvious.  We aren't spending money replacing things we can't find.  Couldn't find the library book in time?  We had to pay for it.  Couldn't find the remote control?  We had to buy a new universal remote to replace it.  Or if you are like my friend that I mentioned in the more time post, can't find your wallpaper stripper, have to replace it.  While that one is a bit harder to imagine, it is a true story. 

Owning less stuff has made me much more intentional with my purchases.  Two years ago I started tossing 20 things/ week. One day I looked at my purge pile and spied something I had just  purchased two weeks prior... that couldn't be.  I looked again.  Oh yes.  A thrift store purchase for one of my kids.  A few bucks for a toy that they were already bored with.  I took it out of the pile.  I couldn't justify getting rid of something just a few weeks old.  But my kids were already done with it, I didn't want it.  And hanging onto it doesn't get my money back.  It was an unintentional purpose.   Thrift stores only save us money if we buy something we would have bought at full price.  But when we walk out of a store with a purchase that we never intended to make, we have actually spent more, not less.  My husband as a child used to buy soda bottles so that when he turned the bottles in he could get the deposit.  He was going to make a lot of money that way...  What we do as adults in thrift stores makes about that much sense.  Now when I go into a thrift store, it is for a purpose, such as a button up shirt, a backpack, a pair of jeans.  I go directly to that section, buy what I am looking for and walk out. 

Doesn't sound as fun does it?  What is it about we as human beings, women I think more so than men, we think it feels good to go shopping.  That "good feeling" we get from shopping does not last.  With the purchase I made from the thrift store, it didn't even last 2 weeks.  And if one were to take the shopping trip too far, there could be a whole lot of regret when the credit card bill arrives.  Remember that feeling next time you are tempted to make an unintentional purchase.  Call a friend for coffee, go work out, read a book, play a musical instrument, find an activity where you are being productive instead of being a consumer.  Those are the decisions without regrets.  Those are the decisions that prevent our homes from being over run by stuff and our wallets empty. 

Living with Less Means More Time (part 2)

Less clutter means more time is most quickly understood by a parent of small children.  All children go through the "dumper" phase.  My husband hates this phase more than just about any other phase.  This is when our sweet adorable 2 year old goes and gets his dinosaurs.  Instead of taking out the one he is going to play with, he dumps all of them onto the floor.  Which takes more time to clean up?  30 dinosaurs or 10 dinosaurs?  30 hot wheels or 10 hot wheels?  30 Little People or 10 Little People?  As adults, we do the same thing.  We need the cookie sheet on the bottom of the baking pans stack, the t-shirt in the bottom of the pile, or anything that may need found in the "junk drawer".  These things may only take 5 extra minutes, but do that 4 or 5 times today and you have just gained back 20 minutes of your day.  I don't know about you, but I would love to find an extra 20 minutes in every day. 

How often do you lose something?  Your keys, a library book, your favorite shoes, your wallet, your camera? How much time is being wasted looking for these things?  I have a friend with a wallpaper stripping machine in her basement.  She went and bought another one rather than going down there to find it. Why?  Her time was worth more to her than that and she had so much stuff she knew it would take all afternoon.  When we lose these things, not only have we lost what we are looking for, we have lost a little of that peace, contentment and clarity that we all desire.  It is frustrating, stressful and irritating to not be able to find that library book on the due date, to not be able to find the keys when we have to be at an appointment in 10 minutes and it takes 15 minutes to get there. When our homes only have what we regularly use, they naturally become more organized.  There isn't a pile or stack of stuff to shuffle through to find what we need.  And that mental peace and clarity make it more than worth passing up on a 10th pair of shoes, when we usually wear the same 3 pairs anyway.

What do we do with our extra time?  I really benefit from at least 30 minutes/ day to just "be".  That looks different for everyone.  For some that means drinking coffee and reading a book, running, baking, biking, sewing, or painting.  For me, it usually means spending time in my art journal.  I listen to a song or sermon and write out the words.  After 30 minutes of quieting my heart, I feel refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the day.  Less clutter doesn't only mean less stuff, it means less busyness.  Less activity.  Put down the smart phone and let your mind be clear for a short while.  Everyone will still be there when you are finished.  But take this time for yourself so that you can serve others and love them in the way that you intend.  Think of all that you can gain, simply because you have less.