Retailers don't care about you.

Retailers don't care about you.
I know this seems pretty obvious.  But it kind of made me sick this week.  I posted this meme from Joshua Becker on my facebook page:





My brother works for Amazon.  His comment? 
Brother: " Nooooo buy more and if you don't know where I can tell you where!"Me: "don't like!"
Brother: "You have a different reason then me for your statement."
My brother would sell you death in a bottle if it had high enough mark up.  He really would.  He doesn't care about you.  Nor do the people who produce all of this stuff.  their commercials look so nice, like they want to help us or make our lives easier.   Lies.  All lies.  All they care about is their wallets.  Remember that the next time you see a commercial or billboard with smiling people plastered all over it.
And in case you are wondering, yes this is the same brother that has so much junk on his kitchen table that his stepson has no where to eat breakfast.  I can't imagine what kind of issues he will have with possessions as he gets older.

Is it meaningful?

I am reading Joshua Becker's book that is being released in 10 days.  And had a bit of an  Aha! moment.  By the way, this book is so good especially for those at the start of their journey.  There is something in there for everyone.  And it will be "discounted"  the first week, but he didn't say what discounted meant.
Some have said keep what is used and loved.  Some have said keep what is used and beautiful.  JB says keep what is necessary and meaningful.  He gives an example of a home he visited.  It had a bookshelf.  On that shelf sat 36 books, 11 figurines, 24 photos, 2 souvenir coffee mugs, various snow globes, flower arrangements, vases and candles.  He stood there looking at the shelf wondering what brings meaning into this person's life.  reading? coffee? the people in the photos?  snow?  ok at that one I laughed.  (no harm meant if you like snow globes.)  But after reading this, I started walking around our home.  And asking myself, if a stranger came into our home, would they know what is important to us by what they see?
Well, yes and no.
Yes... We have a picture of a church in our living room.  I have my "faith cards" hanging on a stand on my desk.  Our wedding album on a stand in our bedroom.  Some framed hymns in various places.
No... There is a pic over our bed with yellow flowers sitting in a window with blue frame shutters.  true, it matches the yellow lamps and blue duvet.  But thanks, Joshua.  Now I don't like the picture because it is pretty meaningless.  I stood there thinking, what would be a good picture for there?  Probably a blown up picture of the lake we vacation at on a canvas.  Next vacation, I am taking a pic and blowing it up for over our bed.
No... The picture in my dining room of a basket of flowers.  Thanks, Joshua.  now I don't like it either.  What should I put there?  Well, DH and I love to go wine tasting together.  So, maybe a picture of some wine bottles?  Or a photo  blown up of our favorite winery.
I challenge you to walk around your home.  If someone didn't know you, what would your stuff say to them?

Thank you minimalism!

The plague hit our home this week.  That may be being slightly dramatic, but not by much.  My kids have never been this sick.  My two year old had a fever for 5 days.  The Dr. tested him for influenza and it came back negative.  Not pneumonia and not strep throat.  We were told it was an acute virus and we would just have to wait it out. When kids are sick they just want to be held, cuddled, snuggled, rocked, and held some more.  That's what I did all week.  I am not accustomed to that.  My two year old is so independent, he has been known to sit on puzzle pieces just so I cannot help him.  But my independent little buddy wasn't so independent this week.  And as I held him, I watched my home get less and less clean.  There was toothpaste on the sink when I used the bathroom.  There was a sticky spot from juice on the kitchen floor.  There were tissues stacked by the trashcan where little hands had missed the target.  And I could feel my anxiety rising.  I didn't clean a thing for 5 days. 


And then my little buddy felt better.  On his fifth day of having a fever it broke.  That evening he played hide and seek, he let me help him with three puzzles and we played a game of Break the Ice.  I began to feel a little excited at the idea that I would be able to restore my house the next day.  (I am only slightly OCD.)  Sure enough, the next day, my independent boy was back to playing on his own.  And I cleaned.  I wiped down the bathrooms.  I wiped down the stove and the floors.  I picked up trash.  I vacuumed.  And I did it all in a matter of 2 hours.  I had not cleaned for 5 days, and I could restore my home in 2 hours!  That is not a testament to me.  That is a testament to minimalism.  Thank you minimalism!  Thank you for making my life easier, my home cleaner and my anxiety less.

living with less creates structure

"Minimalism is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you." -Joshua Becker

Living with less has so many benefits.  Sometimes I forget or take the benefits for granted.  This week I got to see, first hand, how much chaos exists with more stuff.


I went to help a friend organize her home.  She has 4 kids.  I could tell she needed help.  And as she began to explain to me the background of why her home was in such chaos, I was again struck by how much people can benefit from living with less. 


We are fed a lie.  The lie tells us that things make our lives easier.  Walk into Bed Bath and Beyond.  There is a special peeler for an orange, a grapefruit, an apple, an avocado, a melon baller, a strawberry huller, it goes on and on.  Somehow I can manage to eat every one of those foods without a special utensil.  Buy all these utensils and throw them in a drawer and it will take you five minutes just to find the right equipment for the fruit you have chosen to eat.  But each of these tools is marketed to make our lives easier.


My friend has a lot of stuff.  I mean A LOT of stuff.  Do you think it has made her life easier?  Not at all.  Or I wouldn't have been there to help her.  She says she no longer controls the order of her day.  She is living a reactionary life.  Someone is out of clean clothes?  Do some laundry.  Don't have enough clean plates for dinner?  Better wash the dishes.  Time to eat and the table is covered in stuff?  Better clean it off.  She isn't controlling her stuff. Her stuff isn't making life easier or more enjoyable.  Her stuff is now controlling her.


I forgot what it was like to live in that chaos.  Instead, I wake up, shower, get the kids ready, drink a cup of coffee, and get out my control binder.  It has in it my cleaning schedule from the Confident Mom.  Then I look at any appointments coming up in the next week.  I write down anything that I need to do to prepare for them.  I decide how my day will go, not my stuff.  It feels great.  I wish I could give her a better glimpse of that life.  Because she has no hope right now.  She has no idea how to possibly get through the day with happy children and a clean home.  She thinks it is impossible.  I assure you, it is not. But it may require giving up some of their stuff... ok a lot of their stuff.  I hesitate to use the word minimalist because it brings thoughts into people's heads of stark situations.  But this quote from my favorite minimalist sums it up for me.  "Minimalism is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you." -Joshua Becker

Just do it!

The New Year is before us, fresh with possibilities.  We have carefully made plans to lead simpler, less chaotic, more organized and intentional lives.  We are feeling inspired by the new year, fresh and clean to be made what we want.  And now it is January second.  The time for planning is over.  And the time to do something has come.  It can be quite paralyzing can't it?  How do we take all of those goals, resolutions and pacts we have made, and see them to fruition?

Just do it.  No matter how small.  Do one thing today.  Donate some happy meal toys.  Get rid of a mug.  Throw out a shirt that has holes in it.  "The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step." -Lao Tzu  So now take that step.  And tomorrow take another and the next day another.  Don't look at the mountain you have to climb.  Just look at that step in front of you.  And do the next right thing. 

Just do it.  Tomorrow will be a little easier to do it because you did something today.  Tomorrow perhaps a drawer or a shelf.  And each day will be a little easier than the one before it.  And as the momentum builds, so will the benefits.  Less time searching for things, less time organizing.  The goal is for this to become a daily habit.  When you go to put things away, before setting it down ask yourself, "Do I need this?  Do I love this?"  If not, put it in your donation location.  You can always go back and get it if you miss it.  But I am willing to bet, you won't miss it at all.

Next year at this time, instead of resolutions to get our homes in order, we can have orderly homes.  If we just take it one day at a time.  The time is going to pass whether we use it fruitfully or not.  Better to get the task started that we have more time to enjoy the results.

Ready to Live with Less

Have you decided that in 2014 you would like to live with less?  Set the scene by accomplishing two tasks.  These are short and simple...  they can easily be accomplished in a day.

First talk to the adults you live with.  Ask them if anything is off limits.  The last thing we want to do when trying to live a simpler life is frustrate those around us.  Living with irritated or frustrated people does not make life easier.  In our home, my husband has asked that I not touch his books, his wine glasses or his music.  Notice that he did not say clothes.  He did not say clothes because that is not communal property.  I still would not purge any of his clothing without speaking to him.  In fact I just remind him to take something out when he gets something new.  Books, glasses and music are communal property because we both use them.  But I don't get rid of any of those without discussing it with him.  Notice that I said adults.  Children do not usually understand the concept of getting rid of what they don't use.  When they hear you are getting rid of things, they imagine ALL their things.  I allow my son to see the things I get rid of and I explain to him that it makes our lives easier. I am living by example first and foremost.

Second, find a place to keep donations until you can take them to a donation center or schedule a pick up.  We do not want to throw away things that others could use.  I keep my donations in my bedroom in order to keep my 2 year old out of them.  For some reason my two year old is fascinated by anything I put in a paper bag.  He gets it all out and I find a trail through our home.  Find a space safe from kids and animals.  You could use a paper grocery bag, an old diaper box, even an empty Target bag.  But have a place ready, so when you choose something to get rid of, it is immediately out of the way.  This will make it harder to change your mind.  Once it is out of sight, you will stop thinking about it.  Once you have two or three boxes or bags full, time to donate it.  You will feel so much better once it is out of your house.  Guaranteed. 

Now you are ready!  You are setting yourself up for success by having the conversation taken care of.  You won't get slowed down by arguments.  And your donations won't be in your way as you are trying to get your home more organized and uncluttered.  These two tasks don't take long to accomplish.

January tracker

I am getting my paper tracker ready.  I am placing it as the first page in my control binder.  There is a line for each day.  On the left it says "what came in". On the right, it says "what went out".  Every time something comes in, something will go out.  If we don't prevent the flow of stuff coming into our homes, we can never hope to be organized.  It is much easier to organize 50 things than 100 things.  I will be writing down everything that we bring into our home that isn't consumable.  Consumables will be food, napkins, toilet paper, feminine products, wipes, laundry cleaner, dish cleaner, shampoo and soap.  I do not consider lotion or crayons, etc. consumables, even though they will eventually be consumed, because they will last longer than a month.  I am a little fearful of writing everything on paper, because I have never done it before.  My oldest son has a birthday the first week.  I know he will receive presents outside of my control.  And I don't believe in keeping those from him.  He will be given them to enjoy, but then something else must be picked out to go.  His party is at Chuck E Cheese because I didn't want a bunch of 9 year olds running through my home.  This also means there will be cheap "favors" bought with tickets from games that come in.  Those get "lost" pretty quickly.  Other than the birthday, it should be a "normal" month.  I am hoping that my fears are irrational and we aren't really bringing extra stuff into our house.  I will be sure to update you when the results are in.

goal planning session for 2014

 "Goals move us, and goals shape us.  Our goals change us and affect the way we go live our lives."  -Joshua Becker

I can't even count how many times I have made goals and never followed through.  I don't even remember all of last year's goals.  The only goal I do remember making was donating 20 items/ week.  I remember that goal, and mostly kept it.  I think I made 5 goals.  I don't even remember the others.  As I sit down to my goal planning session, this year I have goals for my goals. 

My goals will be measurable.  It does me no good to say I will eat healthier in 2014.  At the end of the year, how do I know if I met that goal or not?  I need something I can measure.  Such as, "I will eat 5 fruits/ veggies each day."  Or I will drink 6 glasses of water each day.  Likewise a goal that says I will spend more time with my kids is not definable.  Instead "I will have a date night with my kids once/ month."  Then at the end of the month, you know you either did it or you didn't.  And adjustments can be made accordingly.  My goals will be measurable.

My goals will be attainable.  I would love to lose 8 lbs/ month.  I would be done losing weight in 3 months.  And it is possible to lose weight that fast.  But I do not really think that I have the self control or discipline to keep that up for 3 months. Better for me to choose 4 lbs/ month and know that I won't get frustrated and quit.  I want to make my goals in such a fashion, that I am setting myself up for success.

My goals will be challenging.  I probably had a goal to save money last year.  But the amount that we saved was practically insignificant.  This year I will choose a number.  And I want a number that is going to challenge us.  Not a number that would occur whether I have a goal or not.  A number that will make a difference in the way we spend our money every day.  We ate a lot of our money last year at fast food and treats at the grocery that were not occurring on grocery day.  The balance between an attainable goal and one that will challenge us is tricky.

I will track my goals.  Once I set my goals, I will get out my 2014 calendar.  I will write "check budget" on the last day of every month.  I will choose a Friday night for my sons' date night each month.  I will have these reminders in my calendar so that in December of 2014 I won't be sitting here thinking I want to make goals, but I don't even remember last year's goals.  I hope this helps me to sustain the momentum that the new year brings to my life.

Have you had a planning session for the direction you will take in 2014?  Won't you join me in this endeavor to end next year better than this one?

....oh yeah.  I found last year's goals.  Donating 20 items/ week wasn't even on there. Nor were there any financial goals.  In fact I met none of my goals at 100%.  Shameful.  Next year, I will do better.  I have attainable, measurable, challenging, trackable goals.  I will update you on Jan 31st on how they are coming.

Two Tasks

Surely you have heard of the one in, one out rule.  If not, learn it now.  If you don't live by this rule, your stuff will eventually rule you.  Once your possessions get out of hand, it could take weeks, more like months to get back under control.  Today is the perfect day to start!  Did your family get a game for Christmas?  Get rid of one old game.  Did you get a sweater?  Get rid of a sweater.  Did you get a knick knack or piece of home decor?  Get rid of TWO knick knacks.  Haha, sorry, not a fan of knick knacks...  If we were to treat every day of our lives like this, our homes would look as beautiful as the last unpacked box after moving.  Unfortunately, we let it build up, year after year.  By the time we are 60, we will be drowning in it.  So today start fresh!  Get hold of the situation! At least don't let it get any worse than it already is.  For each thing that came into your house this Christmas, get rid of one or more comparable items. Got a mug?  Get rid of 6.  Nearly everyone has too many mugs.

One more task for you today.  Christmas decorations.  Did you decide not to put out all the decorations this year?  Any decorations that were left in the box?  Don't even look at it, just donate it. If you look at them you may become spellbound by their sweet little snowman, angel, Santa faces.  Don't torture yourself like that. If you didn't use it,just donate it.
Were there any Christmas decorations that were annoying to you this year?  they required too much maintenance? Or there were so many Christmas houses that they couldn't be enjoyed or appreciated individually?  Donate them now!  It will make life that much easier next Christmas.  And I am willing to bet that by next Christmas you will have forgotten them anyway. 

Two tasks. One in, one out and Christmas decorations.  How big is your donate pile?  Run, don't walk to your nearest donation center to drop it off.  You are already off to a simpler, less chaotic 2014.

New traditions

What do you remember from your childood? Holidays make me nostalgic. Some of the traditions that I remember? There were 5 of us kids and my mother made a different kind of cookie with each one of us. She made "snowballs" with me.  My mother's family came to our house on Christmas Eve.  My Aunt D made buckeye candies,  my Aunt G made cheese ball and brought it in this beautiful bell shaped piece.  My mother ordered super long Subway sandwiches.  We would stand around her playing the organ and sing Christmas Carols.  Then we all went to the midnight candlelight service at church.  I moved 500 miles away 19 months ago.  And I miss Christmas Eve at my mother's house.  Do you have any traditions like that, which you remember fondly?  Memories of things done.  Not gifts given or received, but memories shared.  What will you do with your family this year?  Will you make Christmas about presents or about family, traditions, worshiping God? 
I have heard some great ideas over the years.  We do cornish hens and eat by candle light on Christmas Eve. Many people enjoy fondue on Christmas Eve.  This is the first year that we bought needed items for a boy in our neighborhood, shoes, PJs, a toothbrush, and my son choose 3 books of his own to give to him.  Some go caroling in their neighborhood, pass out cookies, jump in the car with hot cocoa and see the lights.  Make it special, not with gifts under the tree, those will be broken and gone in 20 years.  But your children will still be able to keep the memories of the special times spent together. Those can never be taken from them, and they do not spoil or fade.  How will you spend Christmas this year?

Where to Begin

Several friends have become motivated or inspired to lessen their amount of stuff.  These people all ask the same question.  Where do I begin?  I have so much stuff.  I don't even know where to start.  I have three recommendations about where to begin.  And one recommendation about where not to begin.  Begin somewhere that will keep you motivated.

1.  You could begin in the place that drives you the most crazy.  Do you have a closet full of clothes?  So many, that it is hard to squeeze them in?  So many that you can't look between them to see what you are looking at?  So many that when you pull something off the hanger, other things come also?  Or maybe a kitchen/ junk drawer.  You toss everything in there that you don't know where else to put it.  When you open it to retrieve something, do you have to dig around to look for it?  Then do you have to mash everything back down to get the drawer to close?  Begin there.  Then every time you get something out of that area, and see that your life has been made simpler, it will motivate you to continue uncluttering.

2. You could begin in an area that would be easy to accomplish.  Do you have 50 t-shirts and only have 10 that fit?  Do you have 50 mugs, but don't drink coffee?  I had over 30 spiral notebooks.  I don't know why.  When you have an over abundance or excess of something, it doesn't feel as sacrificial to donate it. You know you have a back up so to speak.  Starting in an easy area like this will give you that satisfied feeling that will motivate you to continue uncluttering.

3.  You could begin in the first area that you see when you walk into your home.  Is it the mudroom?  The kitchen?  The family room?  If #1 and #2 don't appeal to you, begin here.  Every time you walk into your home you will notice the change.  It will motivate you to continue uncluttering. 

Really you just need to start somewhere.  Anywhere.  After you have been doing it for about a month, you should see and feel a change.  Things will be easier to tidy up.  Things won't be as hard to find.  Once you start to see and feel some of the benefits, you will be motivated to continue.  Also once you see that you don't actually miss anything you got rid of, it will be easier to part with more and more  things.

Let me tell you where not to start.  Strangely when people start the process, they go right to the thing that will be hardest to purge.  They come to me and say, "I love my deceased grandma's pitcher.  I don't think I could get rid of it."  Uh, I don't think you should get rid of it.  Start with the easy stuff, t-shirts, notebooks, mugs.  There are probably hundreds if not thousands of things in your home that I would get rid of first.  We will get to the "hard" stuff later, much later.  I love my husband's grandmother's pitcher.  It reminds me of her.  And it actually fits into my style.  I won't be purging it.  If you start with the hard stuff, you will never really get going.

Find motivation.  Then get started and the motivation will continue to come.  As you reap benefits of your work, you will see how much simpler and more peaceful your home can be.  Then we will talk about that pitcher.

Covering My Eyes

I am covering my eyes for the next ten days.  Everywhere I turn I see black Friday advertisements.  I see them on Facebook, message boards, email, my mailbox, everywhere.  They show pictures of joyful and exuberant children playing with toys at ridiculously low prices. 

One month ago I sat down with a pencil and paper to write out my children's Christmas lists.  I intentionally thought about their interests, their stages in development, their favorite ways to entertain themselves.  Based on these observations, I wrote out a careful list of what would be purchased.  If they don't enjoy the gift, it will get donated and I will have lost that money.  So it is a very big decision for our family.

Then I see the advertisement of the exuberant child.  He is playing with a top rated remote control car.  The car is usually 30 dollars.  On Black Friday it will be 10 dollars.  He looks so joyful.  And I could save 20 dollars.  Right?  Wrong.  I didn't have a remote control car on my list.  Would my boys enjoy it?  Probably for a week or two.  But it isn't the kind of thing that fits into the stage of development they are experiencing right now.  And neither of them has ever mentioned or displayed an interest in cars.  So will I save 20 dollars?  No.  I will spend 10 dollars.  And probably donate that item in February.

Some of you have told me that you are taking your exact lists out and will only purchase those items that may be discounted.  Why won't I do that?  I think black Friday represents something for me.  Have you ever seen a photo or video of the doors being unlocked and people rushing in, trampling the people in front of them?  What are those people so excited to get to?  Stuff.  Material things. 

I don't believe that is who God created us to be.  We were created to be in relationship with one another and Him.  Where will the stuff purchased that day be in 20 years?  It will probably be broken, used, forgotten, discarded.  I am looking to this black Friday to remind me once again that my treasure is in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal.

Living with Less vs. Minimalist

minimal- adj. 1. pertaining to or being a minimum.  2. least possible.  3. smallest; very small.

Minimalism is becoming a popular phrase in some circles.  I find many of the people who say they desire minimalism have no idea what this word means.  In a culture that is obsessed with keeping up with their neighbors, most homes now have multiple TVs, closets stuffed with clothes and shoes, garages and basements filled to capacity.  We are a country marked by excess.  The idea of getting rid of some of the clutter is appealing to a large audience.

I started my journey to "less" two years ago.  I thought I wanted to be a minimalist.  In reality, I didn't know the definition of the word minimalist.  I just knew I had way too much and I was starting to feel smothered.  While it is good to live with less, that doesn't make you a minimalist.  The definition of minimal is "least possible".  What is your least possible for clothes?  I suppose least POSSIBLE would be one outfit.  There are some who have gotten down to one outfit.  Google will lead you to dozens who have blogged about their experience of wearing the same outfit for a year.  That would be an example of an absolute minimalist.  What if you want to be a minimalist but not an absolute minimalist?  (This is what my husband is constantly reminding me as I donate all of our stuff.  I want to be a minimalist but not an absolute minimalist.)  Perhaps an outfit each day for a week would be appropriate?  Keeping in mind that most locations have a cold and hot season, maybe 14 shirts and 14 pants?  I am not prepared to be that restricted with my wardrobe.  Two years ago when I started my journey I owned around 200 pieces of clothing.  Not counting underclothing, I have gotten down to 86.  I am content with this number.  If I were to have a crisis, I could go a week without doing laundry and not be wearing dirty clothes.

I don't want the least amount possible  I want the least amount that is right for my family.  Getting rid of the excess saves time, money and improves relationships.  However having the least amount possible, one dish per family member, would cause me more work.  Then I would have to wash dishes after every meal.  Currently I run the dishwasher once/ day right before bed.  When I wake up my dishes are clean.  And while donating half of my kids toys means that I only have to help them clean up half as many, if I donate any more, they are going to be bored and telling me there is nothing to do.  It is good for them to have various ways to be creative and entertain themselves since we do not have any TV channels. 

I have friends who get a look of fear when I use the term minimalist.  I think they are the ones who understand the definition of this word.  I love my life of less.  But I do not want the least amount possible.  I am nearing the end of a two year journey.  I have donated about half of our stuff.  As I approach the end of this journey it is becoming increasingly difficult to decide whether to keep or donate certain items.  The tool I have decided I will use in helping make the determination: Will donating this item make my life simpler or more complicated?  Because the point of this whole journey has been to simplify life.

Guard Against Stuff

I have Attention Deficit Disorder (inattentive type).  Or so my son's Dr. speculates.  We took our son to the Dr. last year because he has experienced increasing difficulties with paying attention in class.  The diagnosis was a long process.  We filled out surveys, his teacher filled out surveys. The Dr. spent 2 hours talking to Luke, his dad, and I.  At the end the Dr. said he has ADD inattentive type, it is very genetic.  Then the Dr. looked at me and said, "He gets it from you, you know."  Now that is not an official diagnosis, but it makes sense.  I can't listen to the radio, I have to be able to see the person talking.  I can't stay focused on non-fiction.  And I studied very little in college because I couldn't stay in my seat.  I got Bs so I didn't care about studying.  The Dr. says that made me an underachiever.

Perhaps it is my ADD that makes me so easily distracted by stuff.  I go to get my son a snack and see that the pantry has become disorganized.  I completely forget about my son's snack and start pulling all of the food out to organize it.  I go to put the calculator back and see my FIL's birthday card that needs mailed.  I go to the mailbox.  Worse yet I go to put the calculator away and see the computer and hop on to look at Pinterest, facebook, Joshua Becker's new blog post, BabyCenter... you get the picture.
 
Last week my husband announced in front of our 8 year old that he was planning on buying me an iPad this year.  I yelled, "No!"  I didn't want the 8 year old to get excited before I shot the idea down.  My husband was trying to be generous.  But there is a reason I don't own a tablet or a smart phone.  I tried to explain it to my son.  This is what I told him. 

I want to spend time with you and Brother and Daddy.  If I had an iPad I wouldn't take you to the park as much.  I wouldn't read to you at the Dr.'s office.  I wouldn't talk to Brother while we sit in the car waiting for you to get out of tutoring. I don't want to be one of those people always looking down at their device.  Living with less has become a way to guard myself against distraction, just like a fence guards you from the street. I don't want my stuff distracting me from what really matters, you, Brother, Daddy and ultimately God.  I don't want that for myself.  I don't want that for our family.

Less Means More: Relationships (part 4)

Logically speaking, if you can see that less stuff means you have more time and more money, those result in improving relationships.  The time gained from owning less, allowed us to spend more time exploring with our children, drinking coffee with a friend, and reconnecting with an old family member.  That less rushed around feeling, allowed us to focus on what they were saying and enjoy those moments.  Less activities so we don't have to jump up in the middle of the conversation and run to pick someone up.  This new feeling of calm, simplicity and clarity are easy to get used to.

Living with less helps our relationships with our children.  As parents we love to see that look of excitement and joyful surprise on our child's face.  too often we look for it by buying our children stuff.  Quickly it takes more and more to get that reaction.  And instead we find that they are throwing a fit when they aren't receiving their now expected gifts.  Stopping the cycle and replacing stuff with our time brings more peace and joy to everyone.  Instead of bringing home a bag of stuff, bake some cookies, go to the park, watch a movie together.  (No don't turn the movie on and walk away.  Sit down and watch it with them.)  They may take a little while to get used to the new family dynamics, but in the end everyone will love it.  Less begging, less whining, no fits.  Just peaceful quality time together.

Living with less helps our relationship with our spouses.  My husband is much happier with money in the bank and less stuff on the shelves.  He loves living with less.  He can find things easily.  He loves that our home is clean, without clutter.  He loves that I am not spending money on things that we don't need and don't bring us lasting joy.

Perhaps you used to be a person who shopped beyond your means, and when the bill came, you relied on someone else to help you pay it.  Money can strain a relationship quickly.  With the new mindset of living with less, you haven't needed to borrow money anymore, improving your relationships with those who bail you out.

This was the last post in a four part series.  Hopefully you have seen the benefits of living with less.  Less stuff and less empty activity leaves us more time, more money and fuller relationships.  I am not asking you to get rid of your stuff because I want less for you.  I want more for you.  And less really does mean more.

Living with Less, More Money (part 3)

Less stuff equals more time is harder to see than less stuff equals more money.  This should be somewhat obvious.  We aren't spending money replacing things we can't find.  Couldn't find the library book in time?  We had to pay for it.  Couldn't find the remote control?  We had to buy a new universal remote to replace it.  Or if you are like my friend that I mentioned in the more time post, can't find your wallpaper stripper, have to replace it.  While that one is a bit harder to imagine, it is a true story. 

Owning less stuff has made me much more intentional with my purchases.  Two years ago I started tossing 20 things/ week. One day I looked at my purge pile and spied something I had just  purchased two weeks prior... that couldn't be.  I looked again.  Oh yes.  A thrift store purchase for one of my kids.  A few bucks for a toy that they were already bored with.  I took it out of the pile.  I couldn't justify getting rid of something just a few weeks old.  But my kids were already done with it, I didn't want it.  And hanging onto it doesn't get my money back.  It was an unintentional purpose.   Thrift stores only save us money if we buy something we would have bought at full price.  But when we walk out of a store with a purchase that we never intended to make, we have actually spent more, not less.  My husband as a child used to buy soda bottles so that when he turned the bottles in he could get the deposit.  He was going to make a lot of money that way...  What we do as adults in thrift stores makes about that much sense.  Now when I go into a thrift store, it is for a purpose, such as a button up shirt, a backpack, a pair of jeans.  I go directly to that section, buy what I am looking for and walk out. 

Doesn't sound as fun does it?  What is it about we as human beings, women I think more so than men, we think it feels good to go shopping.  That "good feeling" we get from shopping does not last.  With the purchase I made from the thrift store, it didn't even last 2 weeks.  And if one were to take the shopping trip too far, there could be a whole lot of regret when the credit card bill arrives.  Remember that feeling next time you are tempted to make an unintentional purchase.  Call a friend for coffee, go work out, read a book, play a musical instrument, find an activity where you are being productive instead of being a consumer.  Those are the decisions without regrets.  Those are the decisions that prevent our homes from being over run by stuff and our wallets empty. 

Living with Less Means More Time (part 2)

Less clutter means more time is most quickly understood by a parent of small children.  All children go through the "dumper" phase.  My husband hates this phase more than just about any other phase.  This is when our sweet adorable 2 year old goes and gets his dinosaurs.  Instead of taking out the one he is going to play with, he dumps all of them onto the floor.  Which takes more time to clean up?  30 dinosaurs or 10 dinosaurs?  30 hot wheels or 10 hot wheels?  30 Little People or 10 Little People?  As adults, we do the same thing.  We need the cookie sheet on the bottom of the baking pans stack, the t-shirt in the bottom of the pile, or anything that may need found in the "junk drawer".  These things may only take 5 extra minutes, but do that 4 or 5 times today and you have just gained back 20 minutes of your day.  I don't know about you, but I would love to find an extra 20 minutes in every day. 

How often do you lose something?  Your keys, a library book, your favorite shoes, your wallet, your camera? How much time is being wasted looking for these things?  I have a friend with a wallpaper stripping machine in her basement.  She went and bought another one rather than going down there to find it. Why?  Her time was worth more to her than that and she had so much stuff she knew it would take all afternoon.  When we lose these things, not only have we lost what we are looking for, we have lost a little of that peace, contentment and clarity that we all desire.  It is frustrating, stressful and irritating to not be able to find that library book on the due date, to not be able to find the keys when we have to be at an appointment in 10 minutes and it takes 15 minutes to get there. When our homes only have what we regularly use, they naturally become more organized.  There isn't a pile or stack of stuff to shuffle through to find what we need.  And that mental peace and clarity make it more than worth passing up on a 10th pair of shoes, when we usually wear the same 3 pairs anyway.

What do we do with our extra time?  I really benefit from at least 30 minutes/ day to just "be".  That looks different for everyone.  For some that means drinking coffee and reading a book, running, baking, biking, sewing, or painting.  For me, it usually means spending time in my art journal.  I listen to a song or sermon and write out the words.  After 30 minutes of quieting my heart, I feel refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the day.  Less clutter doesn't only mean less stuff, it means less busyness.  Less activity.  Put down the smart phone and let your mind be clear for a short while.  Everyone will still be there when you are finished.  But take this time for yourself so that you can serve others and love them in the way that you intend.  Think of all that you can gain, simply because you have less.

Less is More (part 1)

It sounds counterintuitive.  How could less be more?  I wouldn't have believed it, had I not experienced it myself.  I didn't set out to become a minimalist.  But as I got rid of my stuff, in preparing for my move, I found that I gained more than I lost. 

Time.  I had more time as a result of less stuff.  We spend a great portion of our days washing, folding, picking up, cleaning and organizing stuff.  Fewer clothes, fewer toys, fewer towels, fewer papers, fewer movies, fewer video games, fewer yard supplies... How much more time would we gain with less stuff to wash, fold, pick up, clean, and organize? 
How much time do we waste looking for something we lost because it was in a pile that we hadn't dealt with?  When there is less stuff, things are easily found.  Really things are rarely lost because everything is out in the open, plainly seen.

Money.  I once had a friend tell me that she was going out to buy a new wallpaper stripper because the one she owned was lost in her basement.  Why do we end up with so many multiples of things?  Maybe we can't find what we need when we need it?  Maybe we don't even remember that we have it.
And if we intention to have less from the start, we save money on the things we chose not to buy.

Relationships.  Relationships are better with less stuff.  Since having less stuff, my home is naturally cleaner.  There aren't messes or things needing picked up. We can be ready for company in 15 minutes.  Just wipe down the kitchen counters, spiff up the bathroom, vacuum and we are ready to go. 
Relationships also grow as a result of having more time.  Time to play games with our kids.  Time to go out for a cup of coffee.  Spending time enjoying relationships instead of managing stuff.
Contentment.  More contentment as a result of less stuff because if you have more time, money and better relationships, contentment will come too.  Content because the day was simple instead of hurried.  We didn't spend 15 minutes looking for that library book.  Instead we chatted with a friend.  We didn't have to pay for the library book we couldn't find.  Instead we bought the friend coffee. 

No life is not perfect with less stuff.  But I would be bold enough to tell you, in my experience, life is better with less stuff.

Embrace the Difference

I was in my closet yesterday and there were all of my purses hanging up.  I don't carry a purse.  I carry a backpack from Target, the one in the picture.  So, why do I have 5 purses?  I have 5 purses because I think that is what women are supposed to have.  Isn't your purse supposed to match your belt and shoes?  So if you are wearing brown shoes, you wear a brown belt and carry a brown purse.  If you are wearing black shoes, you wear a black belt and carry a black purse.  And if you are going out in the evening, you carry a small purse.  If you go out during the day, you carry a large purse... or so I am told. 
Do you ever hold onto things because you think you are expected to?  Your family is full of bakers, so you have the muffin pan, the mini muffin pan, the 7,8 and 9 inch cake pans, the fluted pan, the pie pan and the cookie sheets in all three sizes.  But in reality, you buy your baked goods from the bakery at the store.  Or maybe all of your friends have trendy jewelry.  So you have a tool box size jewelry box even though you only wear your wedding ring.  Or maybe all of your friends are stay at home moms that craft with their kids all day, so you have a closet full of foam stickers, glitter, sequins, 3 kinds of glue and 4 types of paper.  But when you spend time with your kids, you go into the backyard and play catch.  Why are we holding onto these other things?  Expectations.
Well, I am never going to be the kind of girl that coordinates her shoes with her belt and purse.  I love my mini backpack.  It keeps my hands free while I chase my 2 year old at the park or store.  It can hold his extra outfit and my day planner without feeling heavy or bulky.  It can stand up to snacks that spill or drip.  And I never forget it anywhere, because it stays on my back. 
Today I am embracing my difference.  I am donating my small and large brown purses. I am donating my large black purse.  OK I will keep a small black purse for formals or funerals.  But people will have to accept that when I wear black shoes they aren't getting a black purse.  The truth is, I will have to let go of that image. I doubt if most people notice if my black shoes match my black bag... oh wait, my shoes are turquois Addidas...

Thankful Tree

The day after Halloween, my son asked me, "How long until Christmas?"  And I have no doubt, I will be asked that question numerous times in the next 51 days.  He comes down with a serious case of the "I wants" every year at this time.  Say "I want" five times in a row, really quickly.  "IwantIwantIwantIwantIwant."  He wants the Justice League strategy game.  He informed me that the game is at Target, on the long aisle at the end of the toy department, bottom shelf.  And it costs 25 dollars.  Smart boy.  He knows that fits into the budget.  Then he looked at the Target catalog over the weekend.  Now he also wants the Avengers Legos.  He isn't the only child with the "I wants" at this time of year. In fact, many adults walk around with this same condition.  Adult toys just appear more useful, a tablet, a smart phone, an electronic reader.  IwantIwantIwant.  Stop and think right now.  If you were given 200 dollars, do you know what you would buy?  IwantIwantIwant.
Why do we as human beings want so much?  Is our stuff really bringing us joy?  If it is, why do we have another "I want" a year later. One month after Christmas, my son's gratification from his stuff will be gone.  One month after ripping the paper off, he will have played that game two dozen times.  His brother will have swallowed or lost several of the legos, and it won't be exciting anymore.  He will be back to the grumbling of everyday life.  "Why do I have to do homework?" "Why do I have to eat so much healthy food?" "Why can't you buy more fun food at the store?" "I don't want to go to bed."  That stuff in boxes wrapped under our tree will bring him joy for a day, maybe a week, a month at the most.

How do we teach our children, and ourselves, that stuff isn't what life is about?  On Nov. 1st, we started the annual thankful tree at our house.  In the days leading up to Thanksgiving, we add a paper leaf to a hand drawn tree that we hang up.  And each leaf says what we are thankful for that day.  So far on the tree:
1. friends
2. mom and dad
3. the park
4. God

Do you see what I see?  Nothing he has named can be bought from a store or put in a box.  These are the things that we need to remind ourselves to be thankful for everyday.  Relationships are so much more important than the stuff that we use to entertain ourselves.  Even if he were to be thankful for "the game", he would be much more likely to write on the leaf "Dad played a game with me", than the word "Stratego".  As we are about to enter this insane shopping season when our society tells us that we have to spend hundreds of dollars to make our children happy, let's remember the things that they are thankful for that will last.  Go for a walk.  Bake some cookies together.  Read a book together from the library. And ask them what they are thankful for.  Because in my experience, a thankful heart is the only sure cure for the "I wants".