living with less creates structure

"Minimalism is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you." -Joshua Becker

Living with less has so many benefits.  Sometimes I forget or take the benefits for granted.  This week I got to see, first hand, how much chaos exists with more stuff.


I went to help a friend organize her home.  She has 4 kids.  I could tell she needed help.  And as she began to explain to me the background of why her home was in such chaos, I was again struck by how much people can benefit from living with less. 


We are fed a lie.  The lie tells us that things make our lives easier.  Walk into Bed Bath and Beyond.  There is a special peeler for an orange, a grapefruit, an apple, an avocado, a melon baller, a strawberry huller, it goes on and on.  Somehow I can manage to eat every one of those foods without a special utensil.  Buy all these utensils and throw them in a drawer and it will take you five minutes just to find the right equipment for the fruit you have chosen to eat.  But each of these tools is marketed to make our lives easier.


My friend has a lot of stuff.  I mean A LOT of stuff.  Do you think it has made her life easier?  Not at all.  Or I wouldn't have been there to help her.  She says she no longer controls the order of her day.  She is living a reactionary life.  Someone is out of clean clothes?  Do some laundry.  Don't have enough clean plates for dinner?  Better wash the dishes.  Time to eat and the table is covered in stuff?  Better clean it off.  She isn't controlling her stuff. Her stuff isn't making life easier or more enjoyable.  Her stuff is now controlling her.


I forgot what it was like to live in that chaos.  Instead, I wake up, shower, get the kids ready, drink a cup of coffee, and get out my control binder.  It has in it my cleaning schedule from the Confident Mom.  Then I look at any appointments coming up in the next week.  I write down anything that I need to do to prepare for them.  I decide how my day will go, not my stuff.  It feels great.  I wish I could give her a better glimpse of that life.  Because she has no hope right now.  She has no idea how to possibly get through the day with happy children and a clean home.  She thinks it is impossible.  I assure you, it is not. But it may require giving up some of their stuff... ok a lot of their stuff.  I hesitate to use the word minimalist because it brings thoughts into people's heads of stark situations.  But this quote from my favorite minimalist sums it up for me.  "Minimalism is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you." -Joshua Becker

Just do it!

The New Year is before us, fresh with possibilities.  We have carefully made plans to lead simpler, less chaotic, more organized and intentional lives.  We are feeling inspired by the new year, fresh and clean to be made what we want.  And now it is January second.  The time for planning is over.  And the time to do something has come.  It can be quite paralyzing can't it?  How do we take all of those goals, resolutions and pacts we have made, and see them to fruition?

Just do it.  No matter how small.  Do one thing today.  Donate some happy meal toys.  Get rid of a mug.  Throw out a shirt that has holes in it.  "The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step." -Lao Tzu  So now take that step.  And tomorrow take another and the next day another.  Don't look at the mountain you have to climb.  Just look at that step in front of you.  And do the next right thing. 

Just do it.  Tomorrow will be a little easier to do it because you did something today.  Tomorrow perhaps a drawer or a shelf.  And each day will be a little easier than the one before it.  And as the momentum builds, so will the benefits.  Less time searching for things, less time organizing.  The goal is for this to become a daily habit.  When you go to put things away, before setting it down ask yourself, "Do I need this?  Do I love this?"  If not, put it in your donation location.  You can always go back and get it if you miss it.  But I am willing to bet, you won't miss it at all.

Next year at this time, instead of resolutions to get our homes in order, we can have orderly homes.  If we just take it one day at a time.  The time is going to pass whether we use it fruitfully or not.  Better to get the task started that we have more time to enjoy the results.

Ready to Live with Less

Have you decided that in 2014 you would like to live with less?  Set the scene by accomplishing two tasks.  These are short and simple...  they can easily be accomplished in a day.

First talk to the adults you live with.  Ask them if anything is off limits.  The last thing we want to do when trying to live a simpler life is frustrate those around us.  Living with irritated or frustrated people does not make life easier.  In our home, my husband has asked that I not touch his books, his wine glasses or his music.  Notice that he did not say clothes.  He did not say clothes because that is not communal property.  I still would not purge any of his clothing without speaking to him.  In fact I just remind him to take something out when he gets something new.  Books, glasses and music are communal property because we both use them.  But I don't get rid of any of those without discussing it with him.  Notice that I said adults.  Children do not usually understand the concept of getting rid of what they don't use.  When they hear you are getting rid of things, they imagine ALL their things.  I allow my son to see the things I get rid of and I explain to him that it makes our lives easier. I am living by example first and foremost.

Second, find a place to keep donations until you can take them to a donation center or schedule a pick up.  We do not want to throw away things that others could use.  I keep my donations in my bedroom in order to keep my 2 year old out of them.  For some reason my two year old is fascinated by anything I put in a paper bag.  He gets it all out and I find a trail through our home.  Find a space safe from kids and animals.  You could use a paper grocery bag, an old diaper box, even an empty Target bag.  But have a place ready, so when you choose something to get rid of, it is immediately out of the way.  This will make it harder to change your mind.  Once it is out of sight, you will stop thinking about it.  Once you have two or three boxes or bags full, time to donate it.  You will feel so much better once it is out of your house.  Guaranteed. 

Now you are ready!  You are setting yourself up for success by having the conversation taken care of.  You won't get slowed down by arguments.  And your donations won't be in your way as you are trying to get your home more organized and uncluttered.  These two tasks don't take long to accomplish.

January tracker

I am getting my paper tracker ready.  I am placing it as the first page in my control binder.  There is a line for each day.  On the left it says "what came in". On the right, it says "what went out".  Every time something comes in, something will go out.  If we don't prevent the flow of stuff coming into our homes, we can never hope to be organized.  It is much easier to organize 50 things than 100 things.  I will be writing down everything that we bring into our home that isn't consumable.  Consumables will be food, napkins, toilet paper, feminine products, wipes, laundry cleaner, dish cleaner, shampoo and soap.  I do not consider lotion or crayons, etc. consumables, even though they will eventually be consumed, because they will last longer than a month.  I am a little fearful of writing everything on paper, because I have never done it before.  My oldest son has a birthday the first week.  I know he will receive presents outside of my control.  And I don't believe in keeping those from him.  He will be given them to enjoy, but then something else must be picked out to go.  His party is at Chuck E Cheese because I didn't want a bunch of 9 year olds running through my home.  This also means there will be cheap "favors" bought with tickets from games that come in.  Those get "lost" pretty quickly.  Other than the birthday, it should be a "normal" month.  I am hoping that my fears are irrational and we aren't really bringing extra stuff into our house.  I will be sure to update you when the results are in.

goal planning session for 2014

 "Goals move us, and goals shape us.  Our goals change us and affect the way we go live our lives."  -Joshua Becker

I can't even count how many times I have made goals and never followed through.  I don't even remember all of last year's goals.  The only goal I do remember making was donating 20 items/ week.  I remember that goal, and mostly kept it.  I think I made 5 goals.  I don't even remember the others.  As I sit down to my goal planning session, this year I have goals for my goals. 

My goals will be measurable.  It does me no good to say I will eat healthier in 2014.  At the end of the year, how do I know if I met that goal or not?  I need something I can measure.  Such as, "I will eat 5 fruits/ veggies each day."  Or I will drink 6 glasses of water each day.  Likewise a goal that says I will spend more time with my kids is not definable.  Instead "I will have a date night with my kids once/ month."  Then at the end of the month, you know you either did it or you didn't.  And adjustments can be made accordingly.  My goals will be measurable.

My goals will be attainable.  I would love to lose 8 lbs/ month.  I would be done losing weight in 3 months.  And it is possible to lose weight that fast.  But I do not really think that I have the self control or discipline to keep that up for 3 months. Better for me to choose 4 lbs/ month and know that I won't get frustrated and quit.  I want to make my goals in such a fashion, that I am setting myself up for success.

My goals will be challenging.  I probably had a goal to save money last year.  But the amount that we saved was practically insignificant.  This year I will choose a number.  And I want a number that is going to challenge us.  Not a number that would occur whether I have a goal or not.  A number that will make a difference in the way we spend our money every day.  We ate a lot of our money last year at fast food and treats at the grocery that were not occurring on grocery day.  The balance between an attainable goal and one that will challenge us is tricky.

I will track my goals.  Once I set my goals, I will get out my 2014 calendar.  I will write "check budget" on the last day of every month.  I will choose a Friday night for my sons' date night each month.  I will have these reminders in my calendar so that in December of 2014 I won't be sitting here thinking I want to make goals, but I don't even remember last year's goals.  I hope this helps me to sustain the momentum that the new year brings to my life.

Have you had a planning session for the direction you will take in 2014?  Won't you join me in this endeavor to end next year better than this one?

....oh yeah.  I found last year's goals.  Donating 20 items/ week wasn't even on there. Nor were there any financial goals.  In fact I met none of my goals at 100%.  Shameful.  Next year, I will do better.  I have attainable, measurable, challenging, trackable goals.  I will update you on Jan 31st on how they are coming.

Two Tasks

Surely you have heard of the one in, one out rule.  If not, learn it now.  If you don't live by this rule, your stuff will eventually rule you.  Once your possessions get out of hand, it could take weeks, more like months to get back under control.  Today is the perfect day to start!  Did your family get a game for Christmas?  Get rid of one old game.  Did you get a sweater?  Get rid of a sweater.  Did you get a knick knack or piece of home decor?  Get rid of TWO knick knacks.  Haha, sorry, not a fan of knick knacks...  If we were to treat every day of our lives like this, our homes would look as beautiful as the last unpacked box after moving.  Unfortunately, we let it build up, year after year.  By the time we are 60, we will be drowning in it.  So today start fresh!  Get hold of the situation! At least don't let it get any worse than it already is.  For each thing that came into your house this Christmas, get rid of one or more comparable items. Got a mug?  Get rid of 6.  Nearly everyone has too many mugs.

One more task for you today.  Christmas decorations.  Did you decide not to put out all the decorations this year?  Any decorations that were left in the box?  Don't even look at it, just donate it. If you look at them you may become spellbound by their sweet little snowman, angel, Santa faces.  Don't torture yourself like that. If you didn't use it,just donate it.
Were there any Christmas decorations that were annoying to you this year?  they required too much maintenance? Or there were so many Christmas houses that they couldn't be enjoyed or appreciated individually?  Donate them now!  It will make life that much easier next Christmas.  And I am willing to bet that by next Christmas you will have forgotten them anyway. 

Two tasks. One in, one out and Christmas decorations.  How big is your donate pile?  Run, don't walk to your nearest donation center to drop it off.  You are already off to a simpler, less chaotic 2014.

New traditions

What do you remember from your childood? Holidays make me nostalgic. Some of the traditions that I remember? There were 5 of us kids and my mother made a different kind of cookie with each one of us. She made "snowballs" with me.  My mother's family came to our house on Christmas Eve.  My Aunt D made buckeye candies,  my Aunt G made cheese ball and brought it in this beautiful bell shaped piece.  My mother ordered super long Subway sandwiches.  We would stand around her playing the organ and sing Christmas Carols.  Then we all went to the midnight candlelight service at church.  I moved 500 miles away 19 months ago.  And I miss Christmas Eve at my mother's house.  Do you have any traditions like that, which you remember fondly?  Memories of things done.  Not gifts given or received, but memories shared.  What will you do with your family this year?  Will you make Christmas about presents or about family, traditions, worshiping God? 
I have heard some great ideas over the years.  We do cornish hens and eat by candle light on Christmas Eve. Many people enjoy fondue on Christmas Eve.  This is the first year that we bought needed items for a boy in our neighborhood, shoes, PJs, a toothbrush, and my son choose 3 books of his own to give to him.  Some go caroling in their neighborhood, pass out cookies, jump in the car with hot cocoa and see the lights.  Make it special, not with gifts under the tree, those will be broken and gone in 20 years.  But your children will still be able to keep the memories of the special times spent together. Those can never be taken from them, and they do not spoil or fade.  How will you spend Christmas this year?