goal planning session for 2014

 "Goals move us, and goals shape us.  Our goals change us and affect the way we go live our lives."  -Joshua Becker

I can't even count how many times I have made goals and never followed through.  I don't even remember all of last year's goals.  The only goal I do remember making was donating 20 items/ week.  I remember that goal, and mostly kept it.  I think I made 5 goals.  I don't even remember the others.  As I sit down to my goal planning session, this year I have goals for my goals. 

My goals will be measurable.  It does me no good to say I will eat healthier in 2014.  At the end of the year, how do I know if I met that goal or not?  I need something I can measure.  Such as, "I will eat 5 fruits/ veggies each day."  Or I will drink 6 glasses of water each day.  Likewise a goal that says I will spend more time with my kids is not definable.  Instead "I will have a date night with my kids once/ month."  Then at the end of the month, you know you either did it or you didn't.  And adjustments can be made accordingly.  My goals will be measurable.

My goals will be attainable.  I would love to lose 8 lbs/ month.  I would be done losing weight in 3 months.  And it is possible to lose weight that fast.  But I do not really think that I have the self control or discipline to keep that up for 3 months. Better for me to choose 4 lbs/ month and know that I won't get frustrated and quit.  I want to make my goals in such a fashion, that I am setting myself up for success.

My goals will be challenging.  I probably had a goal to save money last year.  But the amount that we saved was practically insignificant.  This year I will choose a number.  And I want a number that is going to challenge us.  Not a number that would occur whether I have a goal or not.  A number that will make a difference in the way we spend our money every day.  We ate a lot of our money last year at fast food and treats at the grocery that were not occurring on grocery day.  The balance between an attainable goal and one that will challenge us is tricky.

I will track my goals.  Once I set my goals, I will get out my 2014 calendar.  I will write "check budget" on the last day of every month.  I will choose a Friday night for my sons' date night each month.  I will have these reminders in my calendar so that in December of 2014 I won't be sitting here thinking I want to make goals, but I don't even remember last year's goals.  I hope this helps me to sustain the momentum that the new year brings to my life.

Have you had a planning session for the direction you will take in 2014?  Won't you join me in this endeavor to end next year better than this one?

....oh yeah.  I found last year's goals.  Donating 20 items/ week wasn't even on there. Nor were there any financial goals.  In fact I met none of my goals at 100%.  Shameful.  Next year, I will do better.  I have attainable, measurable, challenging, trackable goals.  I will update you on Jan 31st on how they are coming.

Two Tasks

Surely you have heard of the one in, one out rule.  If not, learn it now.  If you don't live by this rule, your stuff will eventually rule you.  Once your possessions get out of hand, it could take weeks, more like months to get back under control.  Today is the perfect day to start!  Did your family get a game for Christmas?  Get rid of one old game.  Did you get a sweater?  Get rid of a sweater.  Did you get a knick knack or piece of home decor?  Get rid of TWO knick knacks.  Haha, sorry, not a fan of knick knacks...  If we were to treat every day of our lives like this, our homes would look as beautiful as the last unpacked box after moving.  Unfortunately, we let it build up, year after year.  By the time we are 60, we will be drowning in it.  So today start fresh!  Get hold of the situation! At least don't let it get any worse than it already is.  For each thing that came into your house this Christmas, get rid of one or more comparable items. Got a mug?  Get rid of 6.  Nearly everyone has too many mugs.

One more task for you today.  Christmas decorations.  Did you decide not to put out all the decorations this year?  Any decorations that were left in the box?  Don't even look at it, just donate it. If you look at them you may become spellbound by their sweet little snowman, angel, Santa faces.  Don't torture yourself like that. If you didn't use it,just donate it.
Were there any Christmas decorations that were annoying to you this year?  they required too much maintenance? Or there were so many Christmas houses that they couldn't be enjoyed or appreciated individually?  Donate them now!  It will make life that much easier next Christmas.  And I am willing to bet that by next Christmas you will have forgotten them anyway. 

Two tasks. One in, one out and Christmas decorations.  How big is your donate pile?  Run, don't walk to your nearest donation center to drop it off.  You are already off to a simpler, less chaotic 2014.

New traditions

What do you remember from your childood? Holidays make me nostalgic. Some of the traditions that I remember? There were 5 of us kids and my mother made a different kind of cookie with each one of us. She made "snowballs" with me.  My mother's family came to our house on Christmas Eve.  My Aunt D made buckeye candies,  my Aunt G made cheese ball and brought it in this beautiful bell shaped piece.  My mother ordered super long Subway sandwiches.  We would stand around her playing the organ and sing Christmas Carols.  Then we all went to the midnight candlelight service at church.  I moved 500 miles away 19 months ago.  And I miss Christmas Eve at my mother's house.  Do you have any traditions like that, which you remember fondly?  Memories of things done.  Not gifts given or received, but memories shared.  What will you do with your family this year?  Will you make Christmas about presents or about family, traditions, worshiping God? 
I have heard some great ideas over the years.  We do cornish hens and eat by candle light on Christmas Eve. Many people enjoy fondue on Christmas Eve.  This is the first year that we bought needed items for a boy in our neighborhood, shoes, PJs, a toothbrush, and my son choose 3 books of his own to give to him.  Some go caroling in their neighborhood, pass out cookies, jump in the car with hot cocoa and see the lights.  Make it special, not with gifts under the tree, those will be broken and gone in 20 years.  But your children will still be able to keep the memories of the special times spent together. Those can never be taken from them, and they do not spoil or fade.  How will you spend Christmas this year?

Where to Begin

Several friends have become motivated or inspired to lessen their amount of stuff.  These people all ask the same question.  Where do I begin?  I have so much stuff.  I don't even know where to start.  I have three recommendations about where to begin.  And one recommendation about where not to begin.  Begin somewhere that will keep you motivated.

1.  You could begin in the place that drives you the most crazy.  Do you have a closet full of clothes?  So many, that it is hard to squeeze them in?  So many that you can't look between them to see what you are looking at?  So many that when you pull something off the hanger, other things come also?  Or maybe a kitchen/ junk drawer.  You toss everything in there that you don't know where else to put it.  When you open it to retrieve something, do you have to dig around to look for it?  Then do you have to mash everything back down to get the drawer to close?  Begin there.  Then every time you get something out of that area, and see that your life has been made simpler, it will motivate you to continue uncluttering.

2. You could begin in an area that would be easy to accomplish.  Do you have 50 t-shirts and only have 10 that fit?  Do you have 50 mugs, but don't drink coffee?  I had over 30 spiral notebooks.  I don't know why.  When you have an over abundance or excess of something, it doesn't feel as sacrificial to donate it. You know you have a back up so to speak.  Starting in an easy area like this will give you that satisfied feeling that will motivate you to continue uncluttering.

3.  You could begin in the first area that you see when you walk into your home.  Is it the mudroom?  The kitchen?  The family room?  If #1 and #2 don't appeal to you, begin here.  Every time you walk into your home you will notice the change.  It will motivate you to continue uncluttering. 

Really you just need to start somewhere.  Anywhere.  After you have been doing it for about a month, you should see and feel a change.  Things will be easier to tidy up.  Things won't be as hard to find.  Once you start to see and feel some of the benefits, you will be motivated to continue.  Also once you see that you don't actually miss anything you got rid of, it will be easier to part with more and more  things.

Let me tell you where not to start.  Strangely when people start the process, they go right to the thing that will be hardest to purge.  They come to me and say, "I love my deceased grandma's pitcher.  I don't think I could get rid of it."  Uh, I don't think you should get rid of it.  Start with the easy stuff, t-shirts, notebooks, mugs.  There are probably hundreds if not thousands of things in your home that I would get rid of first.  We will get to the "hard" stuff later, much later.  I love my husband's grandmother's pitcher.  It reminds me of her.  And it actually fits into my style.  I won't be purging it.  If you start with the hard stuff, you will never really get going.

Find motivation.  Then get started and the motivation will continue to come.  As you reap benefits of your work, you will see how much simpler and more peaceful your home can be.  Then we will talk about that pitcher.

Covering My Eyes

I am covering my eyes for the next ten days.  Everywhere I turn I see black Friday advertisements.  I see them on Facebook, message boards, email, my mailbox, everywhere.  They show pictures of joyful and exuberant children playing with toys at ridiculously low prices. 

One month ago I sat down with a pencil and paper to write out my children's Christmas lists.  I intentionally thought about their interests, their stages in development, their favorite ways to entertain themselves.  Based on these observations, I wrote out a careful list of what would be purchased.  If they don't enjoy the gift, it will get donated and I will have lost that money.  So it is a very big decision for our family.

Then I see the advertisement of the exuberant child.  He is playing with a top rated remote control car.  The car is usually 30 dollars.  On Black Friday it will be 10 dollars.  He looks so joyful.  And I could save 20 dollars.  Right?  Wrong.  I didn't have a remote control car on my list.  Would my boys enjoy it?  Probably for a week or two.  But it isn't the kind of thing that fits into the stage of development they are experiencing right now.  And neither of them has ever mentioned or displayed an interest in cars.  So will I save 20 dollars?  No.  I will spend 10 dollars.  And probably donate that item in February.

Some of you have told me that you are taking your exact lists out and will only purchase those items that may be discounted.  Why won't I do that?  I think black Friday represents something for me.  Have you ever seen a photo or video of the doors being unlocked and people rushing in, trampling the people in front of them?  What are those people so excited to get to?  Stuff.  Material things. 

I don't believe that is who God created us to be.  We were created to be in relationship with one another and Him.  Where will the stuff purchased that day be in 20 years?  It will probably be broken, used, forgotten, discarded.  I am looking to this black Friday to remind me once again that my treasure is in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal.

Living with Less vs. Minimalist

minimal- adj. 1. pertaining to or being a minimum.  2. least possible.  3. smallest; very small.

Minimalism is becoming a popular phrase in some circles.  I find many of the people who say they desire minimalism have no idea what this word means.  In a culture that is obsessed with keeping up with their neighbors, most homes now have multiple TVs, closets stuffed with clothes and shoes, garages and basements filled to capacity.  We are a country marked by excess.  The idea of getting rid of some of the clutter is appealing to a large audience.

I started my journey to "less" two years ago.  I thought I wanted to be a minimalist.  In reality, I didn't know the definition of the word minimalist.  I just knew I had way too much and I was starting to feel smothered.  While it is good to live with less, that doesn't make you a minimalist.  The definition of minimal is "least possible".  What is your least possible for clothes?  I suppose least POSSIBLE would be one outfit.  There are some who have gotten down to one outfit.  Google will lead you to dozens who have blogged about their experience of wearing the same outfit for a year.  That would be an example of an absolute minimalist.  What if you want to be a minimalist but not an absolute minimalist?  (This is what my husband is constantly reminding me as I donate all of our stuff.  I want to be a minimalist but not an absolute minimalist.)  Perhaps an outfit each day for a week would be appropriate?  Keeping in mind that most locations have a cold and hot season, maybe 14 shirts and 14 pants?  I am not prepared to be that restricted with my wardrobe.  Two years ago when I started my journey I owned around 200 pieces of clothing.  Not counting underclothing, I have gotten down to 86.  I am content with this number.  If I were to have a crisis, I could go a week without doing laundry and not be wearing dirty clothes.

I don't want the least amount possible  I want the least amount that is right for my family.  Getting rid of the excess saves time, money and improves relationships.  However having the least amount possible, one dish per family member, would cause me more work.  Then I would have to wash dishes after every meal.  Currently I run the dishwasher once/ day right before bed.  When I wake up my dishes are clean.  And while donating half of my kids toys means that I only have to help them clean up half as many, if I donate any more, they are going to be bored and telling me there is nothing to do.  It is good for them to have various ways to be creative and entertain themselves since we do not have any TV channels. 

I have friends who get a look of fear when I use the term minimalist.  I think they are the ones who understand the definition of this word.  I love my life of less.  But I do not want the least amount possible.  I am nearing the end of a two year journey.  I have donated about half of our stuff.  As I approach the end of this journey it is becoming increasingly difficult to decide whether to keep or donate certain items.  The tool I have decided I will use in helping make the determination: Will donating this item make my life simpler or more complicated?  Because the point of this whole journey has been to simplify life.

Guard Against Stuff

I have Attention Deficit Disorder (inattentive type).  Or so my son's Dr. speculates.  We took our son to the Dr. last year because he has experienced increasing difficulties with paying attention in class.  The diagnosis was a long process.  We filled out surveys, his teacher filled out surveys. The Dr. spent 2 hours talking to Luke, his dad, and I.  At the end the Dr. said he has ADD inattentive type, it is very genetic.  Then the Dr. looked at me and said, "He gets it from you, you know."  Now that is not an official diagnosis, but it makes sense.  I can't listen to the radio, I have to be able to see the person talking.  I can't stay focused on non-fiction.  And I studied very little in college because I couldn't stay in my seat.  I got Bs so I didn't care about studying.  The Dr. says that made me an underachiever.

Perhaps it is my ADD that makes me so easily distracted by stuff.  I go to get my son a snack and see that the pantry has become disorganized.  I completely forget about my son's snack and start pulling all of the food out to organize it.  I go to put the calculator back and see my FIL's birthday card that needs mailed.  I go to the mailbox.  Worse yet I go to put the calculator away and see the computer and hop on to look at Pinterest, facebook, Joshua Becker's new blog post, BabyCenter... you get the picture.
 
Last week my husband announced in front of our 8 year old that he was planning on buying me an iPad this year.  I yelled, "No!"  I didn't want the 8 year old to get excited before I shot the idea down.  My husband was trying to be generous.  But there is a reason I don't own a tablet or a smart phone.  I tried to explain it to my son.  This is what I told him. 

I want to spend time with you and Brother and Daddy.  If I had an iPad I wouldn't take you to the park as much.  I wouldn't read to you at the Dr.'s office.  I wouldn't talk to Brother while we sit in the car waiting for you to get out of tutoring. I don't want to be one of those people always looking down at their device.  Living with less has become a way to guard myself against distraction, just like a fence guards you from the street. I don't want my stuff distracting me from what really matters, you, Brother, Daddy and ultimately God.  I don't want that for myself.  I don't want that for our family.